Who You'd Be Today
by rps-lizardspock
Summary: While in California, Sam goes to the graveyard to visit a past love. Songfic. Slight mention to season 2 events.


**Title:** Who You'd Be Today

**Author:** Sammy girl at heart

**Beta:** None. My beta is inconveniently absent lately, which sucks 'cause I really could have used her help on this. So, no beta. (

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Supernatural. The song _"Who You'd Be Today"_ is by Kenny Chesney and does not belong to me, either.

**Summary: **While in California, Sam goes to the graveyard to visit a past love. Songfic.

Sam walks slowly to the grave that he'd only ever visited in his dreams; a dozen daisies in hand, because they were always her favorite. This first visit is late … should have occurred ages ago … but he's slowly learning that it's better late then never. He kneels at the gravestone – _exactly as I imagined it_ – and places the roses on the grass that covers the six feet of dirt that separates him from what used to be his life … his future … his everything. A single tear streams down his face.

_**Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
Wear the pain like a heavy coat  
I feel you everywhere I go**_

"I should have been here already. I'm sorry. It's just … things have been bad. So much has happened since I last saw you. So much has gone wrong. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I should have been. I never should have let Dean talk me into leaving with him. I'm so sorry that I knew … I saw it happen … but I didn't believe. It was my worst fear to lose you, especially in that way, and I refused to let myself believe that it was more then just a nightmare."

He's silent for a moment that takes up an eternity.

"Dean, he tries to tell me that this isn't my fault. That none of it is my fault. That it was all beyond my control. But look at the hypocrite now. He's tearing himself up over dad's death and I don't know how to tell him that it wasn't his fault when I can't accept his telling me that I'm not responsible for every other bad thing that has gone wrong. Dad chose this, and there was nothing that Dean could have said to change his mind. Once dad's mind was made up, that was it. Heh, he was definitely stubborn. You would have given him a run for his money, though."

He smiles sadly as he remembers his father.

"I wish you could have met him. You would have liked him, and more importantly he would have loved you. But he had made it perfectly clear that my life at Stanford was going to be completely separate from him, and I let him decide that for us. I just wish things had gone differently."

_**See your smile, I see your face  
I hear you laughing in the rain  
Still can't believe your gone**_

"Dean and I, we're still hunting; driving around the country in his beloved Impala saving people, hunting things. The night of the fire, we took off in search of Dad. I was convinced that if we found him everything would be ok. Together we'd find the demon, and together we'd stop him from hurting anyone else. As you can see, that worked out really well. Dad's gone and that damn demon is still out there, still ruining lives. I'm going to find the thing that did this, Jess, and I'm going to stop him. He's ruined so many lives. He took you away from me, and I won't stop until he's dead."

He stands suddenly and begins to pace the length of the grave as he finds that he's unable to sit still any longer. Memories start to fill his mind; the day he met Jess, their first date, the first moment he knew that she was the one, the day he decided that his father would meet this girl, and the last day he saw her alive – standing there, stunning in her tiny _Smurfs_ shirt and shorts. Another tear streams down his face and he doesn't wipe it off, but allows it to fall into the grass.

**_It ain't fair you died too young  
Like a story that had just begun  
But death tore the pages all away_**

"Dean says I should try and move on with my life, that you would have wanted me to be happy. And I know that he's right. I know you wouldn't want me to live my life completely alone. I even met someone. Sarah. She was great. She reminded me so much of you; intelligent, beautiful, the most gorgeously expressive eyes. But she wasn't you. No one can ever be you."

_**God knows how I miss you  
All the hell that I've been through  
Just knowing, no one could take your place  
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today**_

He slips his hand into his coat pocket and pulls out a small box and kneels once again. Silently he lays it next to the flowers and slowly fingers the lettering on the tombstone.

"I didn't get the chance to ask you. I was hoping the interview would go well, and that we would celebrate afterward and I was going to ask you then. Jack and I had gone out and picked out the ring the afternoon of the Halloween party. He thought I was being crazy, that I was rushing into things, but not me. The moment I met you, I think I knew that I loved you. I was just too stupid to realize it until our third date."

He smiles as he remembers the events of their third date. Her not being ready on time, her hair, her clothes, the movie and dinner afterwards and of course the first kiss cause he had been to shy to initiate it any sooner then that. The night had been perfect and from that moment on, he knew that this girl was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

_**Would you see the world  
Would you chase your dreams  
Settle down with a family  
I wonder what would you name your babies  
Someday's the sky's so blue  
I feel like I can talk to you  
And I know it might sound crazy**_

Sam glances at his watch and stands up as he remembers that he told Dean that he'd only need an hour. The Impala will be rolling up the road blasting some classic rock song at any moment now. He smiles as he realizes that big brother has probably been joy riding all this time.

"I guess I should go now, Jess. Dean'll be here soon to pick me up, and then we'll be heading east looking for another hunt. More people to save, evil things to kill."

Sam begins to walk toward the road, the sun brightly shining all around. He turns around for one final glimpse of the grave that he knows he may never see again.

"I love you, Jess."**__**

Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
I wear the pain like a heavy coat  
The only thing that gives me hope  
Is I know, I'll see you again someday  


As Sam walks away, a blonde steps out from behind the willow tree that she'd been using to hide herself. She walks over to the grave and picks up the tiny box that was left. She opens the box and takes out the diamond engagement ring and slips it on her left ring finger. She smiles as she looks back in the direction that Sam walked off in.

"I love you, too, Sam," she says as she turns back toward the willow and disappears.

_**  
Someday, someday**_

A/N: Ok, so there you have my first song-fic. I've never written anything like this before, so I'm really nervous about posting it. Please review and let me know what you though.

-Melissa


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